The Entry to my Soul.

Magnifique

To see the beauty of the world,

place a little glass near the god given eye.

Hope, romance, darkness and grace -

All are there under the base.

See for yourself,

It will shine ever so bright.

Like a lamp post in the corner of the night,

Inspired, waves of awe soften the heart.

How great it is, to see beyond the realm

Of reality. ©

I never knew my passion would arise with such intensity. I was posting YouTube videos before making my first ever entry. But I felt a deep stir of emotion, forcefulness. I felt like I was trying to be someone else every time I turned the camera on to speak.

It was an odd moment for me because I had so much I wanted to say but as I opened my mouth to express what I was facing, the words wouldn’t flow out.

I felt like I was loosing myself in the process and just felt like there was no peace with YouTube. This time around I felt like I needed to go 50/50 with my husband to even go after what I wanted. 50 with baby, 50 with the cooking and 50 for the future and we tried it out. Indeed, It felt like chase, not attract.

Like a race. I saw other women running after money and it felt like I needed to do the same. Only to realise that most of these women are dominant, they are male orientated and no femininity to them.

Until one day, I woke up feeling grateful for my position in life. To be able to cook, clean, to be a mother and a wife. I had that emotion within, for once feeling proud to be a homemaker. I gave up YouTube and went back to doing what felt right with my body.

I spoke with him letting him know how much I respect and honour him for letting me even go after my goals when he’s the breadwinner and felt the pressure of how much he was doing for us as a family. Feeling thankful, I went back to cooking, cleaning and falling in love with my status in the home.

The dream of the Bee

I had a dream before making this entry. Me and my husband was recording a moment, until I saw a bee that kept coming towards me. I kept pushing it away - hoping it would leave me alone but it kept coming closer towards me - I got tired of blocking the bee. Instead, I just became still and the bee ended up zooming up my right arm. My husband announced “You attracted this.”

Butterflies came to me telling me to write and start a blog. Here I am, writing to my hearts content. Who knows where it will lead but all I know, it’s the beginning of me and I'm passionate about my artwork.

Art is in life and life is within Art.

Once you see your life as Art, there is no going back. Everything is Art, even ordinary laundry becomes art to an artist. Once you realise this - the whole world opens up like a dusty box full of diamonds, pearls and old antiques.

I always wondered why people pay to see a blank white canvas on a wall. But I finally realised, not everyone is meant to understand. But those who feel a certain emotion from the moment. Such as: stillness, emptiness or even they make there own painting from their mind.

Everything, even dirt and dust is inspiring. It’s up to you to view life in such a way. It’s perspective.

It’s not just the ‘night’

It’s not just ‘Romance’

It’s not just ‘tears’

It’s more than that, it’s depth, acknowledgement and understanding. The world it’s one big wanderlust, people are like secrets and the home is to rest our hair. Growth it comes from a deep knowing and feeling.

Feeling the pain, the hardships, the anger and the shadows of the past. Let them help you because sometimes to reach a point in your mind of freedom and to attract that lightbulb moment. You’ve got to feel every dark moment to see the other side.

What I’ve been through has now become a part of me. It’s inspired me to create this blog. It’s my memoir and my artwork in real time.

It’s all about letting go, that’s the key to all of this. The Art of Attracting.

© [Tania Hadley Jaworska] [2025]. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be copied, reproduced, or used without prior written permission.