Identity Shift.

Somewhere between the lines you exist, the real you. Not the one that may have been handed to you but the one that you create. Destiny. Its calling you.

A Paris romance

Oh Paris,

How I adore you -

And I haven’t even met you, yet.

Even from here, I imagine myself there, inhaling your French air.

I can taste the romance even from afar.

Oh, how I long to see what you are all about.

Sing with me, oh Paris, la vie en rose,

While I dance slowly in my long silk gown.

My heart and soul long to be with you, Pa- ree.

My mind cycles, painting pictures of your French aromatic love.

We will be tangled together soon, Mon Cheri.

Finding my identity:

Younger me always dreamt of Paris. The way the Eiffel Tower sparkles in the mysterious fog of the night. Just standing there while time suddenly stops for you. It’s something I’ve always wanted to capture.

I’ve watched Anastasia plenty of times and she inspired me. She became an orphan girl, when war struck the family. Tearing them apart, It felt like it hit a nerve. She was in search for her family, a deep longing but she came across her identity - her truth instead. Overall it was more about the journey rather than finding her long lost family in the end and ending the curse that was after the family.

Years and years have gone by and I always wondered why I had no identity, no real passions, hobbies and not really knowing who I was. I didn’t see life with optimism until now. I was constantly in survival, my mind constantly blank but I always knew there was something waiting for me. I had a deep knowing.

Living in someone else’s shadow and world can feel like you been robbed and it’s true to some degree because I’ve only been able to carve out my identity today. Years of serving someone else’s needs and yours suffered behind closed doors, it’s a trap. Trapped by family, society, religion and your own personal issues in the heart, it’s all just mental math. All of it waiting for you to figure out and untangle. It’s not sad by the way, it’s intuitive.

I would watch animations that had the Paris theme: Anastasia, Monster in Paris, ratatouille and The Hutchback of Nortre Dame. All while going back to my early teen years of watching Passport to Paris. I would immerse myself into the TV because that’s all I had access to and after I would always capture myself wanting to seek more of the world, not knowing I was actually searching for my own inner world to find my identity and the beautiful truth.

Years and years have gone by where I felt out of touch with myself and reality. But I finally broke free from this curse and carved out my own personal identity. One that is mystical, magical and full of beauty. I understand now, how pain turns into purpose, it all unfolds when your destiny is placed in the front of your eyes, asking you take on a different type of challenge.

No longer numb but alive. Where shame lived I replaced it with love, where guilt was embedded, I forgave myself and where my inner child was silenced, she finally has her own powerful voice. Sometimes we go through the rough to become unstoppable and invisible.

I was romanticising Paris but then it clicked, I was becoming my own destination. Putting the puzzle together. It’s taken nearly a year, to find myself. To create an luminous pathway that would bring me to this place in time. If I didn’t ask God to show me a new route would I have found my light?

Indeed, I know the answer to that.

This was never about Paris, even though Paris is wonderful in its own way. I thought and thought before I made this blog. It’s about coming to a place where you fall in love with yourself, your flaws, the pain of what you went through and just accepting everything that’s happened but also making the changes that are required.

When you accept, you realise the ugly is actually so mesmerising. Your scars and the brokenness they just need you to love them. They just wanted to be seen, heard and understood. To become whole for the first time and to see that spectacular version of you requires you to look within, there is always a question with two answers, you must pick the answer that aligns with truth.

Future you.

‘What if your past is holding you… to teach you before it leaves you?'

This is exactly what I’m talking about. To find oneself is to follow the pain, to listen to the fear. It’s trying to talk to you, to show you, that you were never alone this whole entire time. they are there for a reason. As the alchemist said:

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it’

When I decided to stop fighting and go on the self discovery journey. I found that I’m a really sensitive person, who overthinks and dwells on what happened when I was younger but that’s great because my silence no longer holds. My sensitivity helped me filter out the good and the bad. If you can relate to feeling more than others then you’re called to listen to your past. This has helped me grow my spirit, soul and mind, making me one with it all.

Being sensitive is a gift, being in your emotions more than others, it’s a gift and feeling like your odd one out, it’s a gift. We are all born with powerful tools already but many of us have been shamed for who we truly are and then it hides until one day destiny finds you and that’s a call you can’t ignore.

Upon writing this blog, I realised more about who I am as a person. I love to dream, romanticise and I’m a big big dreamer, I create with my mind and my imagination runs wild. It’s heals me as I look out the window when it’s either day or night. I start dreaming of the impossible, my mind became almost like a painter without a canvas or acrylics, only for me to understand.

You’ve got to be a dreamer. Dreamers they never die. They always leave impact no matter how they do it. They always leave a legacy, a blueprint or something that provokes emotions within. In a world full of pages, there might be a dreamer hidden under your nose.

Reflection

Your real identity comes from nothing. Real identity comes from silence and blankness. No attachments to people or places. But from God and the universe.

The saying that goes around ‘leave your past behind and focus on your future’ I found that I was still living in my past. The lazy girl, bad self esteem, still connected to family who hurt her and no self awareness.

So, I don’t believe you can just leave the past behind. You’ve got to actively break down the walls of someone else’s agenda for your life, focusing on yourself and noticing the patterns that are controlling your life, make the decision to conquer and thrive.

Either be controlled or be in control. No you can’t change what someone once did. But you can change who you become. I took what belonged to me and walked away from anyone who was going to destroy my peace, claimed the challenge ahead and affirmed “I will become greater and wiser.”

In my experience ‘leaving the past behind’ in my belief, it’s part of spiritual currency. If you can understand what I’m trying to say - The soul forfeits its payment based on how awake you are in reality.

Being partially awake means you see the player and the chessboard, reacting to each move. Being fully awake means you’re guided by your unconscious self — intuition flows through you, and though the game still unfolds in reality, you move with certainty and alignment, almost as if victory was pre-destined.

What you went through has been ordained, it’s written in the stars. You already agreed before you were even born, you accepted the task God gave you and here you are wondering “why me”

But the real question is “what now?”

© [Tania Hadley Jaworska] [2025]. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be copied, reproduced, or used without prior written permission.